Zone Meals

So been on Zone for a good 2 weeks now. Haven't eaten out once. Which is def a record for at least past 5 years. going week n half - 2 weeks without eating out never happens.

Yo world

havnet posted in a longggg time. I actually took a break from poker for past couple weeks. Due to a sustained losing period and moving out of my apartment, I decided it prudent to take a break. I am done cashing out from my poker account for the time being, so hopefully I can go on a good run again. I have been working out a TON. I have also been adhering to a strict diet, and let me tell you, it sure pays off. I have seen results in less than 2 weeks. I'm currently sleeping on my living room floor in my moms old house

July 2008 How i love thee

Online and live

Sun, June 22 4PM $135+15 binions

Tue, Jun 24th 12:00 PM 3-Day Event Pot-Limit Omaha Hi-low Split-8 or Better


Maybes

Wed, June 25 2PM No-Limit Hold'em $180+20 4,000 2,000
Thurs, June 26 2PM No-Limit Hold'em $135+15 3,000 2,000
Fri, June 27 12PM Pot-Limit Omaha $950+50 20,000 N/A
Sat, June 28 4PM No-Limit Hold'em $135+15 3,000 2,000

Sun, July 6 4PM Pot-Limit Omaha 8 or Better $135+15 3,000 2,000

Going to Talk about a bunch of hands

Going to post a few hands from my previous session which I lost about 3800$ before rebounding and ending only about 500-600$ for the day. A session with a swing this large and over so many hands provides for a good learning experience. One can go through cold and hot semi-runs of cards and also through battles of tilt and confidence ups and downs so much that it encompasses much of what you must overcome to be a professional poker player. So as a service to whoever reads this and more as a learning/study tool for myself....lets stratigizee


I'm going to go over my losing hands first and explain what I was thinking and why I did what I did


.
This hand I was a bit tilted before the hand even started. I was down around 3000$ already into the session about 1n1/2 hours in and probably should have stopped for the day. Then this hand came up: I open vs the BB, who is extremely weak, and I flop 2 high cards, which is always good with aces in Hi-lo. Most of the time when you get called in a raised pot your opponent will have at least 2 low cards or maybe more. So a high flop is less likely to hit his hand. My continuation bet is standard and he calls with bottom pair and a straight draw. The turn seems like a good card for my hand so I bet again and he instantly shoves on me. I obviously sighed out loud and expressed my disgust. It was only 350$ more and I was getting about 2.5-1 and i was on tilt (main reason) so I semi-snap called and sure enough he had trips and the river blanked. Because this player is so bad/tight/weak it's almost impossible for me to call turn and have the best hand.



.

This hand i was tilted and I was using alot of 'wishful thinking' when putting my opponents on hands, or in other words, I was figuring the exact best hand I could beat and putting my opponent on that hand. I talked myself into a call here and I convinced myself that he only had a one way hand, when in reality the most likely hand he bets here after checking turn is ace2 or ace3 and my high just isn't going to win enough for my call to show a profit in the long run. Also, another factor in making it harder for me to fold river is the fact that I have the low end wrap on the flop and it gives the illusion that my hand is stronger than it really is. Although it is a semi strong draw, if it is faced against even a bare ace2 or ace3 my equity is dogshit if they have a pair that beats my high, which in this case he did.


On to HOldem


Click here to view a larger version.

This hand was during the second part of my session in which I reclaimed much of my losses from the earlier session. I was not on tilt and I was playing holdem which is less swingy and stressful than the Hi-lo games I was playing earlier. This hand is pretty simple. I hit the turn top pair top kicker and it completes my opponents flush. The mistkae in this hand is I should have folded. A fish isn't going to commit his entire stack on turn when flush and ace hit with at least 2 pair. I only beat all other 1 pair hands and I lose to 2pair or better. This is normally an instant fold becuase his shove is rather large on turn, but I was playing around 4-5 tables and had decisions at all of them and I kinda just called to spite myself. Don't ask me why...


Click here to view a larger version.

This is a hand that I think can be either right or wrong. I am getting a decent price on river to call his bet and it's the type of bet that donks will sometimes make with a hand like 56spades, 46, 36 etc. A hand that had a pretty decent draw but missed on river and is now left with only 1 middle pair. Becuase I see this play made a lot by shortstacks and because he was a shortstack, I think its a decent call. I wasn't paying much attention to the hand at the time, but it seems like your q is good a lot of the time. I could be wrong though. If this player isn't a donk or is at least a bit weak/tight then maybe his river shove is usually a q that is beating us or better like a straight or 2 pair. I think this is a perfect example of a hand that should be played based on the information available on your opponent. I wouldn't hastly chalk it up as a cooler or as a "just call every time type hand"

I'm gonna post the rest later tonight. Ironman, which recieved a 94% on rotten tomatoes, is going to be watched by me tonight. Enjoy it, I hope i will (does Yoda use commas there? or is it just one sentence?)

update Year to Date results bb/100s etc

Hold 'em




Hi-Lo

Pokes Update

running well is fun {the understatement of the century}

Few Hands

LoL i love making sick river calls its like crack


This is one of those many situations I get into and rarely hit my bajillion freeroll outters...luckily I did here and the donk who put his entire stack in praying for a chop wasnt so fortunate

Hi-lo Session

So for this session I run at 333bb/100 hands....lol. This session was actually over a span of 2 hours and from 3 different opponents, and somehow, it was a total of 19 hands. Average of 6.3333 hands per opponent and a net profit of 512$. I wasn't planning on playing a long session because I was quite tired from staying up all night from yesterday, so needless to say, It was a fortunate session. I also put in about 6-7 heads up sitngoes on Pokerstars and ended up breaking even. I deposited 600$ a week ago and am up to 940$ playing just 20+1.5 heads up sitngoes. I'm glad I decided to deposit on stars after mostly vowing I would never again, and not only because I am up a few hunge, but mostly because I like the break from monotony it brings from playing exclusively on Tilt for past few months.

Here is a very amazing call I made, in my opinion at least.

Dusting off the ol'blogo

Been wanting to post in this regurarly again. I read somewhere that one should keep a journal because the memory has proven to be a faulty tool, which makes alot of sense when you actually think about it.

My rant for the day is: The word LOSE, which is the opposite of win, is spelled LOSE and not LOOSE! I see this mistake all the time. Loose is opposite of tight/lose is opposite of win


My new bodyspace thingie that I'm gonna use to keep track of my fitness progress :

http://bodyspace.bodybuilding.com/ismynamecolin/


I will also be posting various pictures and hands from my sessions. I am currently playing 1-2nlHeadsup and 1-2plhilo/2-4plhilo and 20+1 heads up sitngoes on pokerstars.

Later yall

dadadada

So the title says it all.....on my laptoper in the starbucks cafe playing some PLO on tilt. I was motivated to post....so this is my warmup post....ill hopefull post something later when I have less going on.....and talk about my recent results and future goals etc.

-Colin

Sicko Ranto

wow today was so sick i just had to post about it and recliam my old blogger account to vent some of this sick shit out of my system

3 tables left in 75$ mtt on fulltilt im abuot 10th in chips wiht 26k at 500-1k blinds

the following hand comes up..

i get 88 in utg +1 and i open pot for 2700. folds to bb who has about 50k stack and he calls.

flop comes ace84 all spades. he checks.....i bet about 4500 into 8k pot and he calls

turn is a offsuit 9. he checks.....now i hav abou 14k left and pot is about 19k ish. if he has the flush i cany get away from my hand anywayz so i shove it in after he checks turn. he insta calls

his hand j6 spades. brick river and he scoops pot. gg me


in another dbl stack 75$ on fulltilt and i had an early big stack from flopping a set and turning quads vs 2 overpairs...which i busted both.....hten i get aa in mid positon. utg raises wiht a 6k stack...while mine is around 9k. i reriase him to 1100$ and he insta ships the rest of his stack in at 100-200 blinds wiht ak clubs....obv i call and he flops a flush. down to 3k....move in once im low and end up losing to sometin else retarded that i dont even remember.

was in 200 seat sat and was like 3rd in chips then ended p going out in 9th gettin no money and no seat right on bubble....i dont remember how i lost...o yea i shoved on button wiht a9 clubs and a low stack and sb called wiht aa



other shit i dont even remember happend,,,but wihtin 15 mins i was in 6-7 mtts and managed to bust out in each and every one....and it wasnt just tilt......i had shoves get called by aa and had ak vs kk in 1....etc over and over...when ur runing good u think this shit doenst happen.....but when its happening u feel like u can do anything to change or overcome it...today i realized just how much i never ever ever ever want poker to be my main income

Back to the Grind that I love

I am going to start posting again. Posting about poker, whch I am back again playing.

My current bankroll is 1500$ from a 200$ deposit.
My current games are:
MTT's 20$ buyins and lower
3+rebuy tounaments, both sats and the 3 rebuy
50$ and 100$ pl omaha hilo
also the 4.4$ 180 man's


I have yet to come up wiht a playing schedule, but I plan on making a weekly schedule to catch all the good value tournaments.

My results for today were a few outdraws in smaller events, 1 180man 4.4 win for 216$, a 215wcoop seat whcih I unregistered for and plan on using the tournament dollars.

Right now i am 6th in chips with 100k at 2000-4000 blinds in the 5 rebuy hilo on stars. I am going to concentrate as it would be nice to take down

read this shit

unbelievable this shit really happens in real life. What fuckin joke.


http://www.worldnetdaily.com/news/article.asp?ARTICLE_ID=43685

I started a vege garden

couple weeks after planting


little bit longer, had to add cages to support and train plants

taken same day as above pic


i built 2 raised plant beds out of 2x4's. added soil, organic fertilizer and transplants and in couple months i will be harvesting veges to eat

Blast From The Past Minus The Guy From Mummy Returns

It's been a long time since I posted in this.

I have a nasty habit of not finishing things I start; long-term things more so than short-term. It's not that I quit, I just kind of stop doing it often enough to be considered 'doing' it. For example, I used to post in this blog every other day, which lasted about two weeks. Then, after two weeks, I started posting every other-other-other day. Then, after that, I posted every other month. You see what I'm saying? I don't exactly know how to rectify it though. Yea sure, I know what your saying, "just do it." Unfortunately life isn't always a Nike commercial (man how long has it been since I saw one of those), and it isn't as clear cut as do it or not do it. I guess priorities get realigned often in life with the changing of things. Jobs, school, and schedules all change often enough for a 22-year old college kid and it's hard to keep up the million of endeavors that I have dabbled in. One thing is certain, I must keep playing guitar. That is the one thing that I pray I never give up or stop completely. I haven't been playing often enough, but I am making a vow right now. I WILL PLAY GUITAR FOREVER AND OFTEN ENOUGH TO BE CONSIDERED PLAYING AND IMPROVING AND NOT JUST FLOATING THROUGH SPACE GOING NOWHERE. Hope that works. It's weird what can flow from your fingers when you just write. I had no intention, ideas, or motivations other than to write this blog post and somehow I touched on how much I don't wanna give up guitar. Maybe that is my subconscious talking? Hmm...that may be something to consider. I wonder what else will come out if I just write? I think I will have to use Microsoft Word instead of blogger because I regulate what I write on here, and in word I can just let it flow and truly hear my inner voice without restraints of writing on a public domain.

Procrastinator Rator

It's Sunday night and I'm feeling alright, tomorrow I'll find a job on the west side. I reach for my cell and I pick it up, designated hommie I have to call him up. No matter what it is, but I'm going to job hunt tomorrow and is on it's way.

anywayz....i'm bored and in one of those moods where you don't wanna do much...

which includes blogging

pizeace

Free E-Books....Awesomeness

I just stumbled across this site Manybooks.net notes format, which makes this while trying to figure out a way to put e-books on my ipod through the ipod notes feature. This site has all available e-books downloadable in ipod, which saves me the time of converting. This is a great way to get some awesome literaly classics free and in whatever format you choose.

These are a few of the many classics that I just downloaded:

The Arabian Nights
Pride and Prejudice
Ulysses
Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

-Colin

Once again Inspired

I have recently been toying with the idea of making this blog popular once again. Popular once again in the sense that It was never ever popular but that I had been trying to promote it awhile back and gave up too soon. It is nice to dream of adsense checks in the thousands, but I am being more realistic about my aspirations; I would like to have a blog that I can post new and fresh content for a few devoted, and hopefully, grateful readers. Not to make money, although it would be nice, but to simply provide something of value to someone out there.

On a side note:
I have been looking into freelance journalism. I'm hoping to stock up a hard drive full of articles on various subjects to ultimately submit to magazines in the hopes of being compensated. My short term goal for this is to have one article published in a popular magazine. My long term goal is to not be rejected so many times that I completely give up.

Life is God's Novel

I just saw ‘Stranger than fiction,’ and I now have to add that to my list of favorite movies. It inspired me to write something. So here I am now, late at night, in front of a computer screen, and typing away. Not sure about what to write, but writing nonetheless guess I could touch on my recent endeavors I have been pursuing. Writing and the mechanics of it has been a topic I have been reading up on as of late. I fear I need to stick to one book and read to the end as I have a nasty habit of scanning and leaving books not entirely comprehended. This is an easy snare to get entwined in when your main place of study is a huge store with thousands of books from wall to wall. There seems to be way too much to read and too little time to read it. But trudge along I will, in that never-ending pursuit of knowledge and improvement.

I spoke before in an earlier blog post about the pursuit of happiness and my ideas and goals for it, now I can add another pursuit as a subcategory of this, which is the pursuit of knowledge. I would have to conclude that I pursue knowledge in the pursuit of happiness or as a pursuit of happiness. Just as I would say I pursue love as a means of being happy, knowledge is also a medium for obtaining happiness, in my life anyways. I have developed a desire to know as much as I possibly can. There may be hidden underlying motives, such as school or impressing someone or myself, but I ultimately do not tend to think of it that way. If they are the reason for my motivation then I should at least be happy I am motivated in the first place and not concern myself with the why’s or how’s. I simply want to know. Maybe a human brain reaches a point in its lifespan that it desires to be feed with stimulation. I know certain pleasures of the flesh I have a desire for and can often times chalk up to hormones, to use this as a comparison I would have to say there is a hormone doing something for some reason that urges my body to act in accordance with, or in other words, that feeds off of knowledge and learning. Maybe my motivations, no matter how shallow or material, are the reason, but reasons and motivations aside, I am still happy to have this drive at all. I could be worse off in many ways and I always try to take an optimistic look of things. It is my habit in life to make the best or to see the best in circumstances in life. I am glad to have this view without having to work to hard to achieve, as I know some people in life try their whole lives to feel this way and seem to fail. Maybe it is brain chemistry, maybe I was lucky with my childhood and parents, I have not had an easy life, but at the same time I have not had a hard life I would have to admit. I have had hard times in life and I feel everyone must to truly appreciate life and the blessing it actually is, but I know it can always be worse in so many ways and I use this knowledge to appreciate what I have been blessed with.

-Colin

Life Musings

Today was a bit of a bore, to say the least. I managed to play basketball, go to the gym and finally go to Tjmax to buy some jeans. I ended up with four pairs for only 60$, which is pretty reasonable I’d say. The rest of my day has been left to a mind constantly racing in pursuit of a peace that is quite far from reach. Peace of mind is an under-rated concept that I would like to share my feelings on. I have heard happiness and peace of mind used interchangeably and I’d say that I agree to some extent. In life we all want happiness and most of our activities are a reflection of that to some point. Many in our society measure happiness by level of success obtained, and I see this as highly flawed thinking. Money drives our every motive, or at least the masses motives. We find ourselves put into schooling at a young age, with the ultimate goal of going to college and earning a degree, only to get a job that is a reflection of our college work. It is safe to ascertain that in today’s society from kindergarten and on we are being prepped for the pursuit of money and labeling it the pursuit of happiness. Because our society is so goal oriented, and at a young age we are lead to believe that if we are rich we will be happy, you find this flawed motivation of striving for a certain level of monetary success. Everyone tells you that you can reach your dreams and be this or be that, but they fail to mention anything about happiness; they try to include it as if it is inherent with financial or career success. The problem is that you could create every goal possible and achieve each and every one and still be left feeling incomplete.

Money, fame, power, and anything tangible will not provide you with happiness, at least not with lasting happiness. Happiness is a state of mind that only you can create. Granted many things will make you feel happy temporarily, but they are fleeting. I used to think if I won the lottery I would be set for life and never have a problem again; how wrong I was I did not know until now. If you have ever lost someone you love you may be able to understand the concept I am trying to get across. If you have ever felt this loss then you know when times are tough that all the money in the world would not make it any better. Lose a lover or a parent or a sibling and you know you cannot buy them back, and you are stuck still with the despair and turmoil deep inside.

I know some people search their whole lives for peace of mind/happiness and never seem to reach it. The problem most people face is the flawed thinking that they must achieve or obtain something to make them happy. Just remember, nothing in this world will ever complete you until you are complete in the mind first. Peace of mind is a decision, granted it takes time to achieve, but you will not achieve it though material possessions or pursuits. If you accept this small concept, you are well on your way. It does take time and it is a process, both of learning and growing, but the rewards are out of this world. They are what life is all about. I know many of my age are yet to ever be faced with ideals such as these, but personally, this is a blessing as well as a curse. Sometimes I wonder if I will have to wait until I’m middle aged to find a suitable level of understanding in my surroundings. Deep down I know this cannot be true; there are far too many intelligent beings out there that I have not had the chance or privilege to meet.

On a similar but side note, I do believe in true love and I hope to find it some day. I know I can be happy in my mind and heart if I aspire to it, but I fear I may never feel fully complete until I find true love on an intimate level. I have always been a hopeless romantic, always enjoyed love and the idea of it, and always hoped I would find that special girl to spend the rest of my life with. I still do hope for this. It is a contradiction to my preceding discussion in a way, this idea of love and a lover and needing to find it. Because I want so badly in life to have a family and to be truly in love, I feel it could be used as an argument against my discussion being presented here. So I will play the devil’s advocate and shed some light on this important topic.

One thing is for certain, I do want to find true love and I want to have a loving family as a result of it. I feel that my happiness depends on this. This can go both ways. On one end, I know I can find happiness and peace of mind through my individual pursuit and aspirations, but on the other end, I feel I need to find true love to achieve a complete satisfaction with my life. Maybe I could say that I can achieve happiness through personal means but I must find true love to be completely happy. I don’t know if this is a perfect rational statement, but I feel it is what I must leave it at, as I have never felt so strongly about my life’s path. If I wasn’t clear before, my goals are to find true love and to create a family and to live out my days in the happiest and healthiest manner I possibly can. This is what I want to achieve in life and as a result I feel I will be happy. I do not know if it will automatically make me happy, as with love and family comes many hardships, but I feel in my heart that I understand the beauty and blessing of it and it is at least a solid foundation of which I can grow into a complete and happy person with peace of mind.

Blogging=Venting

Sorry sometimes it just happens that way

-Colin

Running around aimlessly simply because I want to

Because I feel all alone in this world right now, I decided to vent here. This blog does have an amazing ability to ease my pain. I know no one will read this, but I still feel I must write to an audience for it to have that magical healing effect. Last night my emotional state was thrown askew and I do not believe it was intentioned, but it still affected my night and morning nonetheless. Relapsing back into sickness after being free of it for only a few weeks now does make the situation worse. Feeling sleepy and drugged and unable to work out, greatly contributes to my loneliness. Combined with the fact that it keeps me home and inside, makes it a recipe for mental disaster. At least I feel this can be a follow up to yesterday’s post, the childhood ignorance principle I was trying to get across now fits perfectly into the picture. I would love nothing more then to take a few days off and lapse into a child-like state of forgetfulness. How a relief it would be to leave everything behind and venture into the child’s pursuit of things trivial. I remember once when life was easy and carefree. I now know what I meant yesterday when I wanted to be a kid again. I want an escape. I want life to be simple again. I need to let go, kind of like a mental vacation. My body can stay behind but my brain needs to run away, at least temporarily. When you are growing up, no one ever told you life would be this hard. No one prepared you for the obstacles that get in the way. Someone should create a survival guide, because figuring it out on your own is too much to bear.

To blog is to Vent

-Colin

Green Eggs and a bit of psychology

Today I want to revisit something from my childhood. I am not sure what; I am going to ad lib this. Ad lib= something improvised in speech, music, etc. For those of you who are unfamiliar with my story, I will start off with a brief childhood autobiography. I was born in Lee Memorial Hospital in Ft Myers, FL on the 18^th of May in the year 1985. A cute and healthy baby I was. The next 13 or 14 years are a blur, although, I was told I was a happy child and most of the family photo albums prove this to be true. I do remember not caring to dress myself with my own tastes until I was into the 2^nd year of middle school. I remember missing green eggs and ham day in first grade and feeling disappointed to have missed eating the green eggs made in class. I also remember a few good friends in that class, all of which used to play ‘ninja’ on the playground with me. You can guess what I was for Halloween most of the years, a ninja of course. Life was simple and sweet and not until I reached what I like to call cognitive awareness, around the age of 13, did life ever end up getting me down. I am not making any psychology claims but I do believe cognitive awareness is a psychology concept and my understanding of it is when you are able to think and be aware of yourself and everything else. For a kid, this is the time in life when you realized and thought about things other than the constant pursuit of games and fun and mischief; the time when a child has his or her first worry or sad time as a result of a life occurrence. The time when you ask questions because your mind is curious and you want to understand this new information being absorbed. Things like clothing, gossip, girls, boys, drugs and the sorts that come into play in a young teen’s life. This is when my memory picks up and I can recall actual events. I can remember most of middle school and almost all of high school (although I prefer to block it out).

Now I know I opened this writing with a statement about my childhood and wanted to revisit something. Like I said, this was going to be ad lib. What I was trying to get at when starting this was the ignorance you experience when you are before the cognitive awareness step in your life. For most people I would assume this is between the ages of 12-14 years old; remember just assuming. An old mantra is, ‘Ignorance is bliss.’ I could not agree more. Sometimes life can be way too hard to deal with and a nice escape would be a slip into childhood, where life is all about the constant pursuit of happiness. How nice it would be to leave all the problems, worries, jobs, money, and relationships at the door and to live at least one day in complete childish ignorance.

On a side note, I have had an epiphany in my life recently. Important life concepts in which I may have been worrying about or at least troubled by became clear as day. It is a great feeling to feel closure regarding something you have thought about your whole life. I believe everyone in life has their ‘Arc’ that someday will define them; it can be anything at all and is different for everyone, but one thing is for sure, it will change his or her life. I have had mine, and I am trying to adjust to life accordingly now that I have the knowledge. It seems I have veered of course of my original intention for this paper, but I feel these ideas are inherently connected, although I’m not sure how yet. Perhaps the more I write the more I can glue these pieces together.

Unfortunately time will not allow me to finish this tonight, so please check back tomorrow for the exciting conclusion.

To be continued…..

-Colin

Introduction in integral idioms

I want to touch on a quality that I hold important in my life and in the lives of relationships I pursue. This quality is one of which countries can be built or destroyed. Lives can be saved or forfeited. Love can be obtained and cherished or relinquished and forgotten. It is a quality that popular culture has abandoned, or better yet, put on the back burner. It is the kind of quality you hear about when you read an inspiring book or news clip. It is a quality you think of when justice is served. It is the quality instilled in us as a result of learning life and how to deal with it. It can not be taught, but it can be explained. It must be learned and practiced and upheld. You cannot declare yourself holding of this quality; you must demonstrate it and only because it is a reflection of your character. Some strive for it and fail; they may never have learned it or given the qualities that lead unto it. The book definition of this quality is: adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty. This quality is: INTEGRITY. It is not only knowing what is right and wrong as constituted by your moral position, but it is also acting in accordance with your knowledge. Many people in our society know the difference in right and wrong when applied to the law, this is clear cut, you either break the law or you don’t. I am touching on a much deeper sense of integrity. To know what is right or wrong when not regarding a law and how you act as a result of or how you don’t act is one in the same. That is the difference that is only brought out through character. I hate to say it, but you either have it or you don’t. All is not lost, however, with the proper motivation a person can learn to have integrity and to practice it. I fear it is not as simple as wanting it though. It is a quality of character that takes years to mold into a person. As human beings in the 20^th century, our integrity comes into play everyday we are alive. Simple everyday circumstances you can find in traffic, public, schools, and our families all become shaped by our inner character and its integral tendencies. Moral of the story: Remember to always act on how you feel. Stand up for yourself and your beliefs. Do not let anyone pressure you into something that steps on your moral toes. Do what you feel is right and for the right reasons and try to avoid doing anything you feel is wrong or for the wrong reasons.

Snap, Crackle, and pop

a bit of an impulse writer, am I

-Colin

"Love, What is it good for?" Absoultely Everything

Does it seem possible to enjoy life without experiencing misery? I ask this not as a cynic, but as an optimist. What I mean is: Can you really appreciate life and all the beauty without having a taste of the bad. I suppose I would compare it to night and day. Without night there is not day and vice versa. Same goes with the basic principles of positive and negative. Although these analogies are similar they are also very different. The problem with these comparisons is: in life, you could be a fortunate soul and never have anything bad happen to you and you could appreciate life to some extent (I'm assuming this is true in at least some cases, albeit it very few.) I think the question I would like to discuss with someone of merit would be this: Can you truly appreciate life without anything bad ever happening to you? I try to use this question to convince myself that the tough times I am going through are only to strengthen my appreciation of the future, when hopefully, life will get better. I find it hard to tell myself that a fortunate soul who has everything in the world happen to them in a good way, can truly appreciate life and all its beautiful circumstances without ever knowing what it is like to lose it all.

How can you love someone as strongly if you have not felt the pain or fear of losing them? Is this possible? To be honest with myself, I would have to side with what is seemingly cynical; I do not believe you can appreciate a love without knowing what it is like to lose the love (you can substitute the word love in this sentence to ‘life’ to have a more broad understanding of my basic question, but for the sake of this being a short writing, I will leave it in regards to love for my further discussion.)

I feel one is not in full capacity or capable of loving to their hearts extent without knowing the fear and anxiety of a loss. I must embrace my current situation and use it as a source of strength. I feel the fear, I feel the pain, I feel the despair, and I feel the hopelessness. Although in some people, these can be misconstrued for addiction or dependency, but I know in my heart this is not what I feel. A true love, one of which love was built. This statement may seem vague, what I mean is: I feel in love with someone because my motivation was to simply love. I was not bogged down by pressures of friends, family, or anything social. I love this person because I enjoyed their time, laughter, company, beauty, and everything else you are physically and emotionally attracted to someone for. Because this was the basis of my desire to see this person, I wholeheartedly and genuinely fell in love with this person; a love without rival or comparison. Being faced with the possibility of losing this person forever and losing that love-bond, is something I pray will strengthen my appreciation in the future, whether it be with this person or not. I look at my current state and convince myself it is for the greater good. The greater good of looking at life through loving eyes and to know what it means to love and have someone who loves you. In my opinion that is the most important aspect of our human existence. Those without love are without life.

The great question of the human species is: What is the meaning of life? Well boys and girls, I have one simple and often overlooked answer, and that is to Love. No matter how much you would like to play the devil’s advocate and disagree or argue with me, something deep down inside of you fears I may be right. That is what it is all about. Embrace that little voice inside your heart, you must love and you must do it with all the billions and billions of atoms that make up your existence. In science one thing is true; Life is in pursuit of living. We are made up of atomic matter that if picked apart would create nothing more then a pile of dead atomic dust, but at the same time only moments before, would have been your body in all its life and beauty. I dare to claim, that our atoms are microscopic love pursuers in that never ending need to live. To live is to pursue love, so you have something that needs to live by any means and you have a love-crazy organism. Humans are love-crazy organisms. Laugh you may, but consider the fact that life is in pursuit of living, and one has a strong argument. That little voice deep down is once again telling you that I may be right. We are loving beings and we love to love. There is not a greater pleasure in the world then to experience love.
The human species' basic natural drive is to procreate. To procreate is an act of love, if under the right pretext. However, we all know there is a difference between sex and love. If you did not know there is a difference then I will tell you this: There is! Many pursue sex in ways contradictory to love. That is why many fail to find happiness in life. The pursuit of happiness is the pursuit of love. Family, motherly, fatherly, and intimately are some of the various forms of love. We have a need for it, a yearning for it. You may attempt to label me a “hopeless romantic,” and you wouldn't be so far from the truth, but the fact is, society is a hopeless romantic wrapped up in media and social denial. Why do you think sex sells so much? The act of sex is the same as the act of making love, merely excluding a few important factors. Many of whom neglect these important factors, unknowingly in some regards, in the pursuit of love. Whether they will admit it or not, it is a pursuit of love.

For those lucky souls who have found true love, consider yourself lucky and remember to work to keep it alive. A love-bond is a beautiful and difficult thing, and it must be cherished and protected. It is easy to neglect the importance of working for a love, especially with the daily grind and responsibility of everyday life, but I beg you to stay on top of things and to keep working for it. No matter how confidant or comfortable you feel with your mate, you must remember your love is never safe from damage or the unfortunate loss. Moral of the story: Keep things fresh, act as if every day is your last or first, and always/always/always communicate effectively. When you are old, gray, and happy you will thank me for the advice.


Just going with the flow, I know I apologize for the winding direction(I am going through some stuff and it's hard to control the mind).

-Colin